Can Dmitri Hit His Weight?

For most baseball players, being able to attain a batting average that is higher than one’s own weight is typically an easy feat. With that said, Dmitri “Da Meat Hook” Young will have to have one hell of a season if he wants to accomplish this. Dmitri showed up at Nat’s camp at a nice 298 pounds. Where this story really becomes entertaining is with the fact that the front office was surprised by this weigh-in.

Is this the face of a 200 pound man?

Don’t get me wrong, Dmitri is awesome, partly because of his weight and partly because of his nickname. But to be shocked that he weighs less than 250 is just stupid. Additionally, I must question the facts of such sites of Baseball Reference, Yahoo Sports, ESPN, and the Nationals web-site, all of which list Young UNDER 240. Again, just LOOK AT THE MAN…

Back to the question, can Dmitri hit his weight in ‘08…sorry Meat-Hook, gotta say no. But I think I might put Young on my Fantasy Baseball of Eating team.

2 Balls and 1 Strike…

AUSIE, AUSIE, AUSIE..OI, OI, OI…

Note to self and readers: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT RUN NAKED TOWARD A CRICKET PLAYER…

Juan Pierre: To Hate or Not to Hate

I was suppose to be reading some crappy book for Sociology tonight about some “wonderful book about a white kid who was raised in a largely poor black and Hispanic neighborhood”, instead I’ve spent the past twenty minutes debating in my mind how much I truly hate Juan Pierre. Here’s a brief breakdown on my arguments for both sides.

Reasons to Like Juan Pierre:

-He was born in Alabma

-His middle name is D’Vaughn

-His first name is Juan…and he’s not Mexican.

-Received the Cool Papa Bell Award from the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum in 2003

-He is is referred to in the Beyonce and Jay-Z song Déjà Vu.

-He played with a guy who played with a guy who played with a guy…who played with a guy named Tommy Johns…but this Tommy Johns, isn’t THE TOMMY JOHNS who has a surgery named after him.

Juan Pierre played with Greg Norton for the 2001 Colorado Rockies

Greg Norton played with Harold Baines for the 1997 Chicago White Sox

Harold Baines played with Minnie Minoso for the 1980 Chicago White Sox

Minnie Minoso played with Phil Cavarretta for the 1955 Chicago White Sox

Phil Cavarretta played with Bob O’Farrell for the 1934 Chicago Cubs

Bob O’Farrell played with Roger Bresnahan for the 1915 Chicago Cubs

Roger Bresnahan played with Frank Foreman for the 1901 Baltimore Orioles

Frank Foreman played with Lou Say for the 1884 Kansas City Cowboys

Lou Say played with Tommy Johns for the 1873 Baltimore Marylands

-Juan Pierre robbed Barry Bonds of #714

Reasons to Hate Juan Pierre:
-He’s a Dodger

-He’ll probably be starting over Jason Repko.

-Cat Osterman and Jennie Finch have a better chance of throwing out Jose Reyes at the plate trying to score from left field then Juan does of throwing Bengie Molina out at home…from second base.

Overall, I was ready to accept Juan Pierre as a player for whom I could applaud this upcoming season…BUT THEN I SAW THIS:

I HATE JUAN PIERRE!!!

My Letter to SI-Re: Body Painting

Dear Sports Illlustrated,

In the past your Swimsuit edition brought us interesting body painting spreads of Marisa in various jerseys:

Since this edition, you have gone to a more traditional painted on swimsuit. While the majority of fans do admire the talent of both the model and the painter, I would like to ask that you go back to painting on jerseys. The fact that I am writing this about painted Soccer jerseys should show that fans enjoy seeing models in sports jerseys regardless of sport…so as long as paint is involved.

Thanks for your time.

-Matt

USA!!! USA!!! USA!!!

I Too Could be A SportsCenter Anchor

On the Streets of Philadephia, there was a code of silence that would not be broken. But when I was Walking in Memphis and sleeping at Mary’s Place I always felt that She’s the One. The Glory Days are gone and now I’m on Fire. In my hometown, I walk through the backstreets gazing up at the empty sky, baby I was born to run, and damnit, I was born in the U.S.A.

Jake Peavy and Family Jewels

“Peavy’s so-so stat line wasn’t as worrisome as the liner Mike Morse scorched off Peavy’s glove in Seattle’s two-run first inning. The ball caromed hard into Peavy, below the belt.

He never wears a cup.

“Yes, I would recommend it,” said Padres manager Bud Black, a former major league pitcher.

Otherwise, Peavy was feeling good about his spring training debut.

“I felt really good, to be honest. And I didn’t turn it loose by any means,” Peavy said of his first start since he signed a $52 million, three-year extension last month.

It was the largest deal in team history, one that will be worth $70 million if the Padres pick up his option for 2013.

The Padres would like their big investment to be well protected.

“Yeah, I know, I don’t wear a cup. Guess I have to start wearing one,” said the 26-year-old father of two young boys, ages 6 and 3. “But, hey, I’m done having kids.

“My teammates think I’m crazy, but I’ve got to be comfortable out there.”

——

To recap, Jake Peavy doesn’t wear a cup. This is absurd, yet incredibly awesome. Roger Clemens rubbed Icy Hot on his junk before a game and Peavy doesn’t wear a cup, what the hell do other pitchers do?

-Penny with a hot dog bun around his?

-Lowe with a picture of Suzy Shuster?

-Mark Hendrickson put tape around his?

-Esteban Loaiza…Hell, does he have anything to protect?

Anyways, Jake Peavy may be considered the #2 Pitcher in baseball behind Johan, but he’s now my #1.