NFL DRAFT WEEKEND
The sporting world is marked with numerous big days every year, from the Super Bowl, Baseball’s Opening Day, March Madness, the SI Swimsuit Issue, and many more. To me, only two sporting events are worth actually spending weekends writing about, the SI Swimsuit Issue (which I will be doing again next issue) and the annual NFL Draft. I’m the one fan who was upset when the league implemented new rules to cut the draft time down. BUT WHY? The draft was the ultimate weekend excuse for football fans. Anyways, the draft will remain a special weekend for me, a weekend in which I can push my work aside and focus on the upcoming football season.
11:00 AM (PST): Yeah, we’re an hour away from the draftnd once the draft starts I can’t leave the room, so naturally I made a run to Subway. Footlong Subway Club waiting in the wings, expect that to make an appearance around pick 8.
11:54 AM: MEL KIPER!! This is the day that Mel looks forward to each and every year. He is the man, the one guy that truly does not give a crap what Todd McShay has to say. Mel just went on his rant of intangibles and character and how that might effect where D-Mac goes. According to Mel, expect McFadden to go in the top eight, potentially to just about any team in the league. That’s the expert I love.
11:59 AM: Hey Dolphins, your team sucks and we are hoping to never hear about you this upcoming season, so with that said, WHY PUBLICIZE THE SIGNING OF JAKE LONG THE WEEK BEFORE THE DRAFT!!! TAKE YOUR TIME AND LET THE GUYS ACTUALLY TALK ABOUT YOU….
12:01 PM: Pre-draft show is over, it’s game time! The ESPN Crew is back and better (not really) than ever, Boomer’s mouth won’t stop running for the next eight hours. Sitting alongside Chris today is Mort, Mel, Steve Young, and Keyshawn.
12:02: The Dolphins are on the clock…
12:02: The Dolphins select Jake Long…Jake Long gets boo’ed by the crowd in New York, I LOVE IT!…ONE PICK IN AND WE ALREADY HAVE A COMMERCIAL!
DID YOU KNOW….Did you know that Jake Long attended Lapeer East High School where he played baseball and is the all time leader in home runs and RBI?
12:07: The Rams are on the clock…ESPN is talking about Chris Long going here, I tend to agree. Long could join the Ram’s first rounder Adam Carricker from a year ago and improve the Rams d-line drastically.
12:10: Mel’s upset!! He’s convinced Glenn Dorsey is the best player left in the draft (Yes, we’re only one pick in…Suzy Kolber has just interviewed Long, is he the guy?
12:12: The pick is in….it is….Chris Long. Long’s football abilities are amazing, but he is also a quality basketball player. In 2003, Chris won the YMCA Slam Dunk Contest for high school students. Call me crazy, but a fact like that would do wonders for Mel’s comment regarding Long’s athletic abilities. The Falcons are on the clock.
What will the Falcons do? I don’t get paid to be an expert, BUT I’m going with Glen Dorsey from LSU here, they’ll grab a QB later.
12:16: Matt Ryan’s intelligence was just compared to a Manning’s (Manning Tracker #1). Steve Young appears to really dislike Michael Vick and I mean really, really dislike. Cameras are all focused on Matt Ryan, if he’s not the pick it could be interesting.
12:18: Matt Ryan’s the pick. He was captain of the football, basketball, and baseball teams in high school, now that’s leadership (HEY PEYTON, YOU DO THAT?).
Kiper just spent a minute talking about that last pass, I was happy they beat Tech and all, but is that a pass that can be made in the NFL? Probably not.
12:22: THE RAIDERS ARE ON THE CLOCK…If McFadden gets passed up here, I likely won’t be leaving Berkeley to hit up Oakland anytime soon. Then again, the city scares me already. COME ON AL! PISS OFF YOUR FANS AND SCREW THE FRANCHISE FOR ANOTHER 10 YEARS!!
12:27: STEVE YOUNG IS ANNOYING AS HELL. ESPN is convinced it’s D-Mac, Commish says: Darren McFadden. Yup, the guy with two children from two different mothers goes to Oakland. I smell trouble, good thing I’m only up here for another year.
12:30: Jaw’s just refereed to Jamarcus Russell as an embryo, now that’s a picture i don’t want to see. The Ch(i)ef’s are now on the clock.
“HUMMER…LIKE NOTHING ELSE” – Almost as good as Jiffy Lube’s, Lube it or Lose it.
12:35: Dorsey joins the Chiefs. Someone at ESPN seems to have their cellphone a little too close to their mic. The sound interference is getting annoying. THE JETS ARE ON THE CLOCK. The fun begins here…Not to mention the Pat’s are up after that, Jet fans about to have some fun.
12:43: Chris Mortenson just told us that when Vernon Gholston takes off his shirt he looks like Tarzan….Thanks pal.
—Gholston is the pick, the Pat’s are on the clock.
12:45: I feel like it’s getting close to time to eat the sandwich. The big question becomes, what do I draft as sides/drink. This is a tough decision.
12:50; Michael Smith with a great quote regarding Rodgers-Cromartie; “He has great ball skills”. Well, so do I and I’m not going in the top 10. Not to mention my intelligence (Berkeley) is leaps and bounds above his (Tenn. St). Apparently it pays to be black….who would have thought?
TRADE: New England traded the pick to the Saints…Saints select Sed Ellis from USC. I guess the Saints believe in the adage that a Trojan never busts.
TRADE #2: Jacksonville now has the eighth pick. Lunch break after the pick.
1:00: The Jags make their pick…ESPN gets ready for a commercial by showing Keith Rivers crying and putting on a Bengals hat. Berman’s reaction, “I wonder if Rivers goes soon, this could get interesting…” NO REALLY…
1:30: Lunch was pretty good..pretttty, prettty, prettty, pretty good. Subway Club with BBQ chips and a mini Snickers bar.
1:30: WHERE DA WHITE BOYZ AT? Since the top three picks, we’ve had a run on big black men. Who will be the next white guy to be taken? That is the question…
1:45: WOW, a 6’3″/310 LB offensive lineman was just taken by the Chiefs. I’m WOW’ed by the guy’s family. When I say they were a big family, I mean his sisters might weigh more than him. He honestly looked smaller than everyone else who was around him.
1:45: In other sports, the Magic and Raptors are playing…the Wings are up 4-0 on the Avs, and that’s about it….Jamario Moon of the Raptors just strained his groin slippnig on a wet spot. He was running up and down the court with his hand rubbing his junk. HAHA
1:53: Watched the bball game for a minute and every time TJ Ford had his name announced all I could think of was Marissa Cooper od’ing in TJ….I need to finish up season four soon.
Watch the whole thing…Good laugh
2:02: Roughly an hour and a half (15 picks later) WE HAVE OUR 4TH WHITE GUY. Joe Flacco QB from Delaware to Baltimore.
2:05: QUESTION: Where do the guys at home get the team hats from? Better question, how many hats do they have in front of them? What do they do with the hats from the teams that don’t pick them? I’m really interested in finding these answers.
2:12: Jeff Otah to the Panthers. He’s only 6’6″/320, what the hell do guys like this eat? Frankly, I’d be scared to know.
2:20: The Bucs take Aquib Talib. The best name in the draft so far. I’m waiting for Michigan St. wide-out Devin Thomas to be taken. Is it just me, or does Devin Thomas just sound like a really hot chick?
2:30: The Falcons just traded up to take Sam Baker of USC. Mel Kiper seemed a bit confused by the pick. He went on some rant about how Baker is a reach here. He’s just not first round talent here. Gotta love when Mel just gets pissed at teams apparently being stupid and making picks like this.
2:32: Ed Werder is reporting live from what appears the Cowboy’s locker room. That really must be a fun job, okay Ed your going to be alone in a locker room for the next eight hours doing just about nothing. Yet, as I make fun of the man, I really wish I had a job like his.
Among my new favorite commercials involving one of the greatest restaurants around:
2:46: LAKE SHOW ABOUT TO TIP OFF….
2:50: The best name of the draft so far is that of Titans Offensive Coordinator Mike Heimendinger, yup..Heimendinger.
2:51: HAHAHA, Just before the Titans picked, Steve Young says that he wrote down Devin Thomas’s name with an ink pen in his notebook. WELL, the Titans pick a guy that they hadn’t been talking about at all. Gotta love when the “pros” say such dumbass things.
One too many concussions eh?
3:00: Dallas just picks Mike Jenkins. Mike Jenkins, meet Pac-Man Jones…
3:10: SAN DIEGO…SUPER CHARGERS…COME ON CHARGERS, NOTHING STUPID. I feel like Simmons when the Pats/Celtics/Sox are about to do something. The Chargers grab a corner with great ball skills. Being evaluated on ball skills has to be one of the greatest sports talent factors in any sport.
3:15: Both ESPN and the NFL Network were just convinced that Seattle would take tightend Dustin Keller from Purdue. Naturally, the Hawks took Lawrence Jackson of USC. Applauding that knowledge the experts have. Great job…
3:17: I swear, i think Keyshawn has said the same thing 40 times. He’s told us that the NFL is a copy cat league and that teams are taking D-Lineman because that worked for the Giants against the Patriots. SHUT UP KEYSHAWN.
3:30: Another great Mel moment…As Keyshawn was talking, the other analysts were all looking at Keyshawn, EXCEPT MEL. Mel was busy looking straight ahead mouthing who he thought the pick would be to the fans. It was great.
3:35: THE FIRST ROUND IS OVER IN 3 AND A HALF HOURS…