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Steroid user Barry Bonds asked a federal judge to dismiss perjury charges against the steroid user Wednesday, arguing that the indictment is “scattershot” and noted for its “striking inartfulness.”

The lawyers said “the questions posed to him by two different prosecutors were frequently imprecise, redundant, overlapping and frequently compound.”

Prosecutors asked Bonds several times whether personal trainer Greg Anderson supplied him with steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs beginning in 2000. Bonds answered “no” or “not at all,” but his lawyers argued that the questions were not clear.

Bonds’ lawyers asked U.S. District Judge Susan Illston to either toss the case or order prosecutors to streamline the indictment, which cites 19 different instances of Bonds’ alleged lying.

Copyright 2008 by The Associated Press

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So…apparently, Mr. Bonds thinks he can get a FEDERAL JUDGE to dismiss a case that has taken several years to build out the window, because he thinks its tricky and clever. I’m speechless. Although, I think this may put Bonds up for Dumbass of the Year.

I Hate Ned…

Remember the days of Paul Depodesta? Remember how Depo would act retarded yet the team would win the division or at least make the playoffs? Remember last season when Uncle Ned gave Juan Pierre more than the few pennies he’s worth? Well, Uncle Ned’s at it again!! Ned and team have given the team crash dummie Jason Repko a one-year, $487,500 contract. In 406 AB’s, Repko is hitting a tremendous .232 with a mere 104 strikeouts. (Joe Beimel has a career .233 average) While I must say, I have always been a fan of Repko, it just makes NO SENSE TO SETTLE BEFORE ARBITRATION!!! What the hell does Repko have going for him? Sure he’ll run into a wall or the starting shortstop, but he’s always hurt and when he does play, he’s not very good. Even the Dodgers should have been able to convince most arbitrators that Repko wasn’t worth this settlement. When Dodger fans are paying that extra $20 for their season seats, remember the $487,500 Jason Repko will be making. (Yep, he too will make more than the President of the United States)

The Bombing of Kansas City

ESPN’s Jerry Crasnick is reporting that former Dodger Brett Tomko has signed a contract to play for the Kansas City Royals this upcoming season. Yep, you read that right, BRETT TOMKO. Tomko is a piece of crap in a good year, and well he’s AWFUL in most normal seasons. Tomko’s illustrious careeer began in 1994 when he decided he was too good to be selected in the 20th round by the Dodgers (Imagine if he had been a Dodger for more than the two years he was). SOMEHOW, the Reds saw something in Tomko and took him in the seecond roundd of the ’95 draft…(???, How is that humanly possible? A blind scout?) Perhaps the moment for which Tomko will ultimately be remembered for is his impact in getting Ken Griffey Jr. traded to the Reds, Tomko was one of 4 players traded to the Mariners. Just two seasons after being a piece in a trade for Griffey Jr., Tomko was involved in another trade, this time to the Padres for Ben Davis, Alex Arias, and Wascar Serrano. Now if that doesn’t show his true value, I’m not sure what would.

More recently, Tomko has spent time as a Dodger, (unfortunately) as a Dodger Tomko pitched in 77 games, he won just 10 while he lost 18. Over Tomko’s final 33 appearances as a Dodger, he won an amazing 2 games. That’s a 6% winning percentage. That’s not bad, that’s horrendous. Brett managed to be listed as Dodger Blues “A-Hole of the Moment” 3 times in 2007. Brett Tomko was so popular amongst his teammates that Olmedo had no idea who the hell he was, “Olmedo Saenz calls me “Mike” and I’m not sure what that means. He started laughing, so I guess I’ll go along with it.”
– Brett Tomko

At the end of the day, I think the Royals got themselves a steal. They’re getting a guy who Baseball Refrence claims is similar to some great pitchers, guys ranging from Jeff Weaver and Matt Clement to Ismael Valdez and Darren Oliver.

12 Years…and I have nothing to say

While reading Bill’s latest Sports Guy mailbag, he brought up several points in one question that i feel must be addressed immediately, hence the 11:42 PM post.

Q: We had the Ice Bowl, now it’s up to you to dub the Packers-Seahawks playoffs the HD Bowl. Can you make this happen?
— John H., New York
SG: I’ll do my best. By the way, I decided after the Packers-Hawks and Sabres-Penguins games that the snow/HD combination makes any outdoor sporting event mesmerizing regardless of what it is. You could show me bull riding, bowling, horse racing … hell, you could show me a WNBA game and I’d watch if there was snow.
(Actually, that’s not a bad wrinkle for Year 12 of the WNBA: Snow! It could become the first professional sports league specifically targeted toward people who will watch any sporting event in HD if there’s snow. Let there be snow! You have to admit, it’s a better game plan than the current one.)
(Parentheses to the parentheses: That’s right, Year 12 of the WNBA. You read that correctly.)

1. HD Sports are amazing, Just think back to New Years day, the Winter Classic, wow was that awesome.

2. The WNBA has been around for 12 years…Did anyone know this? Does anyone care? I was shocked it survived this long. The only WNBA moment I can recall is the Lisa Leslie dunk and the Jim Rome rant that I’ve come to remember nearly word for word….Dunking, she had three dunks in practice, how many succesful lay-ups did she have? Can the WNBA now have a slam dunk contest? If she makes just one, does she win?


This post requires your full attention when reading this question/answer. It clearly answers any doubt on why the mailbag is amazing.

Q: One of my favorite gimmicks that you missed in the column about pregame shows is the use of the in-studio “field” to diagram plays. Who doesn’t have a good time when the guys get comfortable by taking off their jackets while leaving their ties on and sleeves down, then “line up” opposite each other and rush the “QB” in slow motion? Sometimes you even get to see a wide-open Chris Mortensen waving his arms downfield and yelling, “I’M OPEN! I’M OPEN!” like Corey Haim in “Lucas.”
— Bob, Philadelphia
SG: I’m always relieved after those segments that nobody pulled a hammy or strained an Achilles tendon and had to limp off the set while Chris Berman awkwardly threw it to commercial. By the way, I’m writing a big chunk of this column in a Starbucks that always has a bizarre older customer sitting at the biggest table near the front door, almost like it’s an office or something. There’s a 95-percent chance he’s completely insane because he spends the time crumpling and uncrumpling pieces of paper, making phone calls to people who might not be real and reading the same page of the same book for hours on end. (OK, maybe it’s a 99.9 percent chance.) I have never been to this Starbucks and NOT seen Crazy Guy at that table.
Anyway, as I was typing the last question, I noticed him grab a New York Times from the newspaper rack, pull off the front section, then head over to the bathroom, go in and shut the door. Horrifying, right? So about five minutes pass, and I’m typing away, and finally a female customer walks over there, realizes the bathroom is locked, and decides to wait for the door to open. Another five minutes pass, and a third customer joins her, and some more time passes, and now they’re exchanging looks like, “My God, I wonder what’s going on in there?” Around the 15-minute mark, there’s a flush. About 45 seconds later, the door opens and Crazy Guy comes out holding the Times.
I’m telling you this story for two reasons:
1. You know someone has logged too much time in the same Starbucks when he feels totally comfortable grabbing a newspaper, hanging out in the bathroom for 20 minutes and walking out in front of multiple people with that same newspaper. It’s the final stage. It’s like getting to fourth base with Starbucks.
2. When the guy walked out with the paper, the female customer who had been patiently waiting for 10 minutes immediately turned into Jerry Jones after Romo’s final interception in the Giants game. She didn’t move, she didn’t flinch — she just stared straight ahead and tried not to have an aneurysm. And I’m sitting here thinking, “I wish time could stop right now because I’d love to wager on this with the two baristas and offer them 2-to-1 odds that she says ‘Screw it’ and doesn’t go in there.” But she took a deep breath and waded in there. The entire sequence was incredible. And you wonder why I write in public places.

The Dodger Blues…This Day in Dodger History

Go back four years, it was January 18th, 2004, you were sitting at the kitchen table with the LA Times Sports Section in hand. You opened the Sports section and stumpled across a Bill Plaschke that wrote about the Dodgers. Here’s a glimpse of the past:

“Sources say he reemerged because it was obvious that McCourt’s bid was struggling.

“Somebody in baseball must have already told Eli that this guy’s deal is in trouble, or he never would have gotten involved,” one local businessman said.

Trouble, indeed.

McCourt’s deal is highly leveraged and so shaky, baseball officials refused to approve him at last week’s owners’ meetings and will conduct further investigation this week.

Judging from his allegedly flimsy finances, it will help if two of the folks on this week’s fact-finding mission are named Penn and Teller.

Broad and McCourt are each offering $430 million, but Broad has the cash, McCourt doesn’t.

Broad has the liquidity to operate a championship team, McCourt apparently doesn’t.

Broad has O’Malley, McCourt doesn’t.

McCourt’s fingerprints are already on a messy, unproductive winter.

He could not afford much-needed Vladimir Guerrero, a player who had no problem reaching a deal with that team down the freeway.

At his urgings, the Dodgers have been unable to sign any top hitters, and suddenly look more like the San Diego Padres than the Padres.

One owner this week said the chances of McCourt’s gaining approval are “only 50-50, at best.”

If McCourt doesn’t meet the guidelines, here’s hoping the owners turn those odds in this city’s favor and do what is best for baseball, not what is easiest for their television sugar daddies of Fox.

Instead of giving an approval, those owners need to make a trade.

Frank McCourt for Eli Broad and Peter O’Malley.

The deal of the century. ”

Looking back at this article makes me hate both Plashcke and McCourt even more. No to Vlad, but now the guy is handing bills to .220 clean up men and crappy outfielders who throw like they’re in T-Ball.

Hola!

Este blog ha sido creado para servir el bienestar general de Garecito Jimenez. Senor Jimenez estará en Espana por el semestre y este golpe servirá como el lugar para mantenerlo actualizó en toda la mierda que sucede atrás en casa.

This blog has been created to serve the general welfare of Garecito Jimenez. Senor Jimenez will be in Espana for the semester and this blog will serve as the place to maintain it brought up to date in all the crap that happens behind at home.

The Updates The Garecito Requires